Seeing as we got a bit carried away in #nd, heres a thread for jokes. :)

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An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."

The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"

The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

Then he loudly explained;

"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to."

lol i love that joke

haha nice one.

lol

Joe and Dean were fishing when Dean pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Joe for a light.
'Yeah, shure, I think I have a lighter,' he replied, and then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long..


'Jiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Dean, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his hands. 'Where did you get that monster??'
'Well,' replied Joe, 'I got it from my Genie.'
'You have a Genie?' Dean asked.
'Yeah, sure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Joe.
'Could I see him?'
Joe opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the genie, Dean says, 'Hey there I'm a good friend of your master. Wll you grant me one wish?''Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Dean asks the Genie for a million bucks.

The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Dean sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks....flying directly overhead.

Over the roar of the million ducks Dean yells at Joe, 'What the heck I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'


Joe answers, 'Yeah, I forgot to tell you that the Genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"

lol DarkStrider!

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalkin g around with a fly swatter

'What are you doing?'
She asked.

'Hunting Flies'
He responded.

'Oh. ! Killing any?'
She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.




Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.'

man walks into a drum kit, ba doom tsch

why was the archiologist sad? his career was in ruins

crappy but clean :p

Lovely! I approve!

What turns a fruit into a vegitable?

i wrote this joke when i was 7:

what clothes do you wear to hide in the desert?

camelflauge!

Gay Flight Attendant

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, If you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to Raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one." To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Biatch."

a coma

On the train home from work last night I went to the toilet and there was a sign that read 'only toilet paper to be flushed down the toilet'.

I didn't want to get into trouble so I played it safe and took a shit in the sink.

Aids

NEVER CHEAT ON A COUNTRY WOMAN!

A Country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength, borne of fury, cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the barn. She put his manhood in a vise, secured it tightly, and removed the handle. Next, she picked up an old carpenter's saw.

The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, "Stop! Stop! You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said......

"Nope....You are! I'm gonna burn down the barn!"

Harpy 4,556 Syren 1,633
Wyvern 603 Leviathan 97
Viper 6,062 Beetle 160
Scarab 9,498 Widow 9,425
Mosquito 849 Banshee 29,539
Shadow 2,723 Nightmare 8,803
Ghost 471 Mirage 543
Cutlass 40,000 Corsair 10,000
Thief 50,000 Buccaneer 57,500
Cutter 22,000 Brigand 21,000
Marauder 25,000 Rogue 35,000
Pirate 15,000 Privateer 3,000
Ironclad 1,500 Merchant 3,214

Bad joke Noran.... :D

I dont get it :(

Hahahhahaha nice 1

He either pasted his fleet in the wrong box or he pretended to have pasted his fleet in the wrong box as a joke Williams.

or he could have a joke fleet :P

lol yep that could be it as well

So this man walks into the barber shop ... asks hey about how long for a hair cut? the barber replies about an hour ... so the guy nods and leaves...

the next day the man comes back in and asks hey how much longer are you giving hair cuts... oh about two hours ... the man nods and leaves...

the third day he does again, one hour ... nods and leaves

finally on the fourth day the barber tells his sweeper to go see what hes doing ...

the sweeper returns ... he was going to your house.

Where does a sheep get a haircut?

The Bah-Bah Shop

So this insect steps into a doctors office and the doc politely asks what the problem is about. So the insect responds: "Well doc I have a bug..." on which the doc responds: "Let me guess.., a ladybug?"

2 girls at college.....one posh...one slapper...teacher asks both girls to explain what improper means....posh girl says...my father had an affair with my aunty...thats was improper...slapper says....when my boyfriend was shagging me from behind last night and his balls were slapping against me... i knew he was in proper!!

Apparently 3 england players landed a punch on the supporter who got in the england dressing room...A clear case of the shit hitting the fan!!!

my girlfriend is a dirty little minx...when i come in her mouth she likes to gargle it.. blow bubbles with it then let it dribble out of her mouth and down over her chin onto her breasts.....she may be paralysed but deep down i know she enjoys it ;)

I had a wank over an ex girlfriend last night....i know its wrong...but she's a heavy sleeper and ive still got a spare key ;)

Even though I think them all rather funny I must point out that this is the NORMAL joke thread, we have an XXX joke thread and a dirty joke thread (don't ask me why because imo its basically the same) and 3 out of your 4 jokes belong there rather then here.